MICROSOFT WOMAN: She wants to dominate every man she meets. She'll try to convince you she's the best for you. She schemes how to make you get in trouble with other women. She promises you that she'll do whatever you want if you throw your girl friends' telephone numbers away. Suddenly, she will be the only one in your life.
There will come a time when you will need her approval before you can open the fridge or you can take your car keys.
PASSWORD WOMAN: You think you're the only one who knows her, but actually everybody knows her.
MP3 WOMAN: Everybody wants to have her.
USER WOMAN: She does nothing right and she is always demanding more than she really needs.
ANALYST-PROGRAMMER WOMAN: She is always cooking, she is always mending.
CPU WOMAN: She has a great look outside, but she is empty inside.
MONITOR WOMAN: She makes you see life in colourful ways.
CD-ROM WOMAN: Everytime she is faster.
CONSULTANT WOMAN: She tells you everything except what you want to know.
E-MAIL WOMAN: When she talks, at least 8 things out of 10 are nonsenses.
VIRUS WOMAN: (ALSO KNOWN AS WIFE) When you least expect, she gets into your life, she stays and takes control of all your belongings. If you try to get rid of her, you lose many resources. But, if you don't, then you may lose everything.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Different types of Women In Computer terms - Part 1
Different types of Women in Computer Terminology
INTERNET WOMAN: It's not easy to get access to her.
SERVER WOMAN: She's always busy when you need her.
WINDOWS WOMAN: Everybody knows she cannot do anything right, but no body can live without her.
AOL WOMAN: Nobody can stand her for more than half an hour.
EXCEL WOMAN: They say she can do lots of things, but you only use her for the 4 basic operations.
WORD WOMAN: She always has a surprise for you and there isn't anybody who really understands her.
D.O.S. WOMAN: There was a time when everybody needed her, but nobody wants her now.
BACKUP WOMAN: You think you have everything with her, but actually there is always something missing.
SCANDISK WOMAN: She is good deep inside and she is only trying to help.
But, actually nobody knows what she is really doing.
SCREENSAVER WOMAN: She is useless, but you have fun with her.
PAINTBRUSH WOMAN: Easy to use, but nobody gets satisfied.
RAM WOMAN: She forgets everything as soon as she is unplugged.
HARD DISK WOMAN: She always remembers everything.
MOUSE WOMAN: She is useful only when she is pushed and dragged.
MULTIMEDIA WOMAN: She makes everything look nice.
JOYSTICK WOMAN: When you use her, you end with your hand sweating and
your arm aches.
INTERNET WOMAN: It's not easy to get access to her.
SERVER WOMAN: She's always busy when you need her.
WINDOWS WOMAN: Everybody knows she cannot do anything right, but no body can live without her.
AOL WOMAN: Nobody can stand her for more than half an hour.
EXCEL WOMAN: They say she can do lots of things, but you only use her for the 4 basic operations.
WORD WOMAN: She always has a surprise for you and there isn't anybody who really understands her.
D.O.S. WOMAN: There was a time when everybody needed her, but nobody wants her now.
BACKUP WOMAN: You think you have everything with her, but actually there is always something missing.
SCANDISK WOMAN: She is good deep inside and she is only trying to help.
But, actually nobody knows what she is really doing.
SCREENSAVER WOMAN: She is useless, but you have fun with her.
PAINTBRUSH WOMAN: Easy to use, but nobody gets satisfied.
RAM WOMAN: She forgets everything as soon as she is unplugged.
HARD DISK WOMAN: She always remembers everything.
MOUSE WOMAN: She is useful only when she is pushed and dragged.
MULTIMEDIA WOMAN: She makes everything look nice.
JOYSTICK WOMAN: When you use her, you end with your hand sweating and
your arm aches.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Rajnikant - His Facts Part -2
Rajanikant can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Once a cobra bit Rajanikant' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
When Rajanikant gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rajanikant can kill two stones with one bird.
Rajanikant was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikant can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikant was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Rajanikant can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rajanikant has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
It takes Rajanikant 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Rajanikant once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikant could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikant.
Rajanikant destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikant only recognizes the element of surprise.
Rajanikant got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikant is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The square root of Rajanikant is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikant, the result is death.
When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikant takes this as a personal insult.
Rajanikant - His Facts Part - 1
You want to know who is Rajanikant....here are the facts
Rajanikant makes onions cry
Rajanikant can delete the Recycle Bin.
Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikant killing people faster than Death can process them.
Rajanikant can build a snowman..... out of rain.
Rajanikant can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rajanikant can drown a fish.
When Rajanikant enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,......... .... he turns the dark off.
When Rajanikant looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikant and Rajanikant.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Rajanikant can throw Brett Favre even further.
The last digit of pi is Rajanikant. He is the end of all things.
Rajanikant does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Bullets dodge Rajanikant.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikant and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Rajanikant' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikant.
If you spell Rajanikant wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajanikant?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Monday, July 7, 2008
Bill Gates - 11 Rules
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage.
"Good life starts only when you stop wanting a better one"
Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile,
"Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or
when she does something wrong.
Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses,
she could not find a better husband than you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face.
Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at.
This is the start of a war.
We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person,
The other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
..................................................................................................................................................................................
Remember one thing in life :"Good life starts only when you stop wanting a better one"
Golden words of Hitler
When u r in light, everything will follow u. But when u enter dark, even your own shadow
will not follow u, that is life
God made relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends
Money glitters, beauty sparkles, and intelligence shines
Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're getting.
People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
You can't have everything - where would you put it?
Laugh and the world ignore you. Crying doesn't help either.
God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him.
Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting.
Never trust a person who isn't having at least one crisis.
Goodness is the only investment that never fails.
The only thing lazy people do fast is get tired.
Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
Silence is the only thing that can't be misquoted!
If we don't control our money, it will control us.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich..
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
If you r living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
Learn from other people's mistakes, life isn't long enough to make them all yourself.
On the road, never argue with a vehicle heavier than yours.
One thing you can give and still keep is your word.
Life is funny if you don't think about it.
Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
More doors are opened with 'please' than with keys.
will not follow u, that is life
God made relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends
Money glitters, beauty sparkles, and intelligence shines
Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're getting.
People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
You can't have everything - where would you put it?
Laugh and the world ignore you. Crying doesn't help either.
God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him.
Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting.
Never trust a person who isn't having at least one crisis.
Goodness is the only investment that never fails.
The only thing lazy people do fast is get tired.
Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
Silence is the only thing that can't be misquoted!
If we don't control our money, it will control us.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich..
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
If you r living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
Learn from other people's mistakes, life isn't long enough to make them all yourself.
On the road, never argue with a vehicle heavier than yours.
One thing you can give and still keep is your word.
Life is funny if you don't think about it.
Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
More doors are opened with 'please' than with keys.
RIGHT SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation."
Many relationships break off because of wrong speech.
When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy.
We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site.
A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,
"Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school."
On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me.
Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered,
"You should appreciate that you married me. Other wise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship.
Ten Points by Narayan Murthy
Ten Important Points which may help you at any stage of your life :
1. Play to win
2. Do not allow routines to become chains
3. Look at the opportunities that change represents
4. Realize that fear of unknown is natural
5. Keep renewing yourself
6. Decide upon what you will never change
7. Surround yourself with people who are open to change
8. Respect yourself
9. Be alert for the first signs of change
10. Anticipate change even when things are going right
1. Play to win
2. Do not allow routines to become chains
3. Look at the opportunities that change represents
4. Realize that fear of unknown is natural
5. Keep renewing yourself
6. Decide upon what you will never change
7. Surround yourself with people who are open to change
8. Respect yourself
9. Be alert for the first signs of change
10. Anticipate change even when things are going right
Secrets of Good Relationships...
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships.
When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship.
Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger,
anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.
She answered, "Public Utilities Board."
There was silence. She repeated, "PUB."
There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line,
she heard a lady's voice,
"Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but
I do not know whose number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple
if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship.
Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger,
anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.
She answered, "Public Utilities Board."
There was silence. She repeated, "PUB."
There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line,
she heard a lady's voice,
"Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but
I do not know whose number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple
if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
12 Reasons to Smile
1.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
2.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
3.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
4.
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
5.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
6.
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
7.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
8.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
9.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
10.
Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
11.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
12.
Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
2.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
3.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
4.
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
5.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
6.
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
7.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
8.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
9.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
10.
Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
11.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
12.
Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"
Dreams - No Problem
Take a little time from your busy schedule
to enjoy the changing season.
Take time to reflect on where you are going in life,
and what you what to accomplish.
A very wise man once said "You don't need to be doing
something every moment".
Great ideas come out of what others may call "Daydreaming" .
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the peaceful Fall scene
and perhaps a great idea will be born!
to enjoy the changing season.
Take time to reflect on where you are going in life,
and what you what to accomplish.
A very wise man once said "You don't need to be doing
something every moment".
Great ideas come out of what others may call "Daydreaming" .
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the peaceful Fall scene
and perhaps a great idea will be born!
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